Character Pairing Dice
by dyslexic-Carmie
Summary: One-Shot. Just a product that you roll to get crazy character pairings. R/R


A young girl sits in front of her computer frowning. A blank word document sits open on her computer screen. She wants to write something, but her brain is completely empty when it comes to coming up with new ideas.

"This is so hopeless," she mumbles to herself. "I'm never going to have an original idea for a fanfiction. Everything has been done before."

She clicks out of Microsoft word, and opens her Internet browser. She goes to YouTube, and types "Funny Cat Video" into her search bar. As expected a million results pot up. The Internet loves cats too much.

She bites her lip and sighs. "I bet I'd be more creative if I had another cat."

She scrolls through the search results of videos and selects one called "Funny cat complication". She watches it for about thirty seconds before she gets bored, and decides it isn't worth watching for over fourteen minutes. She turns to the list of suggested videos and frowns.

"An ad for character pairing dice?" she asks as reads the title of a suggested video. "What's character pairing dice?"

She clicks on the video. Immediately, her room fills with epic sounding music.

"_The world of writing is really insane!" _sings the video. "_Lots of insane things to rot your brain!" _

She frowns and stares at the colorful dice bouncing around on the video screen. "What is this?"

"_But that's not the worst! No that's not what will make you burst!" _the video continues to sing. "_No the worst in writing is the fanfiction! The fanfiction! The gosh darn awkward fanfiction!" _

"This doesn't even sound like an actual song."

She pauses the video. The screen is stuck at an extreme close-up shot of a dice. The shot is too close to read what is written on the dice.

"Its like somebody who can't even write a song tried to write a song," she says. "The singer really isn't that good either."

Behind the young girl somebody laughs. "Sorry about that, Carmie."

She turns around at the sound of her name. Well, her nickname actually. Anyway, who cares what this young girls name is? For all you care her name could be Yolanda or Little Steamroller Face.

"Who are you? How do you know my name?" she asks acknowledging her visitor. "How did you get into my house? How did you get past security?"

Her visitor grins. "What security?"

"Uh… I have a dog." She gasps. "Did you do something to Volcano?"

"Your mutt is just sleeping in the garage. And you named your dog Volcano? Seriously, Volcano?" the guest asks. "Did you like have a contest with your friends over who could up with the stupidest name for an animal, Carmie?"

"Hey, Volcano is a cool name!" she exclaims. "And you never answered any of my questions. How do you know my name? Who are you?"

"Don't you recognize me?" he laughs. "You created me last year! I'm the infomercial guy you created in your head when you wrote those one-shot TV commercials on Fanfiction. Remember when you reread your stories for editing reasons before posting? You read them with a male voice you created in your head 'cause you didn't think that your own voice sounded like an infomercial person."

"I'm so confused."

"Don't you remember? You wrote several somewhat popular one-shots in the TV commercials category on Fanfiction," he explains. "Don't you remember writing 'No More Distractions', 'The Force Update', 'Just A Product That Gets You Reviews', and the ever so beautiful 'Writer's BlockBreaker'?"

Carmie nods. "Yeah. That was an awkward time in my life. I would stay up late, and would drink a lot of cough medicine 'cause I would get a lot of really bad colds. It made me write some pretty strange things that are still awkward to explain to my parents. I really don't understand myself."

He grins. "Exactly! And some of those strange stories were those amazing TV Commercials I just listed for ya! Anyway Carmie, like Dora the gosh darn Explorer I need your help! When you stopped writing those stories I became an actual person!"

"That doesn't make any sense. What do you want my help with?" she asks. "I'm so confused right now. How can you even be a person?"

"Don't be! It's quite simple to get really. The random infomercial voice in your head when you wrote stories when you were high on cough medicine is now a person, because you stopped writing those stories. He now requires your help! Does this need a better explanation?"

"Uh… yeah. That doesn't make the slightest amount of sense."

Infomercial Voice Guy shakes his head. "You're the young lady that wrote some pretty screwed up stuff, and your claiming that my explanation makes no sense? Did your freshman year of college completely alter your fun personality or something?"

"No-"

He cuts Carmie off. "Then how come you haven't wrote a new TV commercial for Fanfiction? People actually read and enjoy that strange crud you write! How come you haven't come up with a new product?"

"I don't know. I just haven't come up with any ideas good enough to be a product," she explains. "Also why are questioning me about this? Are you wanting me to write a new product or something?"

"Well, duh!" he exclaims. "That's why I need your help. Without you writing TV Commercials for Fanfiction I'm doomed to be an actual person. Being an actual person isn't fun at all!"

"This is so weird."

"No its not. I just need you write a new TV Commercial for Fanfiction, and then I won't have to be an actual person. After you write it, then you will reread it with my awesome infomercial sounding voice, and I will go back in your head-"

Carmie cuts off Infomercial Voice Guy. "What are you talking about? How would you go back to being a voice in my head? That makes no sense!"

"Neither does half the stuff you wrote when you were on the cough medicine," he spits. "Anyway, I did lots of research on Wikipedia and stuff and from what I gathered all I need to do to go back to being an insane voice in your head is make you write another TV Commercial."

"But why would you want to go back to being a voice in my head?"

He sighs. "Reality sucks. I'd rather be a random voice in the head of an insane teenager girl than an actual person. Wouldn't you rather be a random voice in somebody's head then an actual person?"

"No-"

Infomercial Voice Guy cuts her off. "Dang college really has altered your personality. You used to be fun, Carmie. The old high on cough medicine you would have jumped on this opportunity."

"No she… uh... I… won't have. I might have been really weird in the past, but I won't have helped some random stranger-"

"I'm not some random stranger! I'm the informal voice that used to be in your head! When you stopped writing these TV Commercials on fanfiction I became a real person!"

"How do I know that you're not some random person my brother or sister hired to mess with me?"

"Dude, we both know that your siblings lack the creativity to come with an idea like that," he stats. "So, are you going to help me or not?"

"Ugh, I can't believe I'm actually considering helping you." Carmie sighs. "I… uh… don't actually have any ideas for a new TV Commercial for a fanfiction product."

Infomercial Voice Guy grins. "That's were I can help ya! I have a killer idea! I just need you to write it out with your insane cough medicine high style!"

"What's your idea?"

"Character Pairing Dice!" he squeals. "Dice that a potential buyer will roll that will create whole new crack pairings for their future fanfiction stories! Isn't it just brilliant?"

She sighs. "Is this idea from that YouTube video I just paused?"

"That's my video, sister!" He chuckles. "I made that video when I thought it was the only thing that I needed to do to go back to being a random voice in your head. Sadly, it didn't work 'cause I'm clearly still a person."

"Yeah, you're clearly still a person that I can touch, hug, and throw at pedestrians," Carmie says sarcastically. "About how long have you been a human anyway?"

"Long enough to know that being a human sucks!" he answers. "So, are going to help me or not?"

She shrugs. "Sure, I guess. As long as it makes you disappear forever."

"Awesome!" Informal Voice Guy cheers. "Pull up your Microsoft Word!"

Carmie closes her Internet browser and pulls up Microsoft Word. "How do you want me to start this?"

"Start it the same way you started your 'Just A Product That Gets You Reviews' story. I loved how it started out like a story about a random brony writing a fanficiton."

"Uh... nah. I'm not I'm not actually a fan of that way. Plus I find that way sort of weird," she confesses. "I rather start it out with asking the viewer questions."

He squeals. "Oh! Like you did in 'The Force Update'! That one was really cool!"

"What exactly are Character Pairing Dice anyway?"

"Doesn't the name explain it?"

"Not really."

"Well its simple. We're going to have dice that have multiple sides. Like Dungeon and Dragons style dice. Potential buyers will buy these dice and write as many character names as they want and then roll them."

"And whatever two names they land on will be the story the buyer will write about?" Carmie asks. "Is one dice for listing female characters and the other for listing male characters?"

Infomercial Voice Guy snorts. "Seriously Carmie, I thought one year of college and that anime phase you went through would have made you more open-minded. The dice can have whatever names the buyer wants to put on them. One doesn't have to be just for female names or male names."

"Oh, okay. Then why do you need two dices? Can't somebody just roll the same dice twice?"

"No that can't work for two reasons," he claims. "First of all, that will be too hard to explain to people. It's way easier to just say roll two dice. And second of all, what if somebody gets the same name twice?"

"Then the can just roll again," she answers. "Or they could write one of those creepy selfcest stories."

"True, but having two dice means that each buyer has to buy two dice." He squeals. "Oh, we should sell them the same way swimsuits are sold! We should sell the dice separately! That'll get us more money! Heck, I bet some people will buy multiple dice so they can have characters for threesomes and orgies."

"That's disgusting. And… uh… you know that these are just stories right? None of them are actual products people can buy."

Infomercial Voice Guy gives an awkward laugh. "Of course. Just write the story for I can go back to being a voice in your head."

Carmie stretches her fingers and places them on her keyboard. "Okay, let's do this."

She begins typing.

* * *

CHARACTER PAIRING DICE

By, Dyslexic-Carmie

Inspired by, the Infomercial Voice Guy in her head

Yeah, she's crazy and high on cough medicine

Do the voices in your head sometimes come life and demand you write a TV commercial one-shot for fanfiction? Do they annoy the crap out of you and demand that you write a story?

No?

Seriously, you don't have this problem? You don't have a random voice come to life from your head and demand you write a story?

Really?

Dang, lucky mother ducker.

Ugh, whatever, you're probably bored right now. Anyway, let's get this show on the road.

* * *

Infomercial Voice Guy reads what Carmie wrote over her shoulder. "I don't like it!"

She stops typing. "Dude, I just started typing."

"Hit backspace and start over," he demands. "I don't want this piece of crud to be the story that sends me back to being a voice in your head. I want it to sound cooler and stuff."

"Then how would you start it genius?"

"I would start it like a random story the potential buyer could relate too!" he answers. "I already told you that, and you said no."

Carmie sighs and hits the backspace to delete everything she just wrote. "Fine, we'll do it that way."

"Awesome!"

She strengths her fingers and begins typing again. "Meh. Whatever."

* * *

CHARATER PAIRING DICE

By, Dyslexic-Carmie

Inspired by one of the voices in her head.

Yeah, she knows she's on her way to the happy farm.

Random Steamroller Face Girl was a new writer on the fanfiction website. She had read several stories with several interesting concepts, and couldn't wait to contribute her own ideas.

Her favorite stories were the one's that put two very unlikely characters together in a romantic or question position. Her favorite pairings were some of the strangest ones ever. Some of these pairings she supported would make anybody question the sanity of the Internet. And a lot of these pairings were between characters that weren't even from the same fandom.

Like Indianan Jones sucking face with Lord Voldemort. Or like Bella Swan getting locked in closet with Dobby. Or like Dr. Eggman getting really cuddly with Sonic the Hedgehog. Or like the famous Edward and Jacob pairing.

All those pairings were weird but original at the same time, and Random Steamroller Face Girl couldn't wait to write her own strange pairing story. Once she wrote her story people would love her like the loved the strange pairing stories.

"I'm going to have so many beautiful fans!" she squealed to herself. "I just need to come up a character pairing that puts all the other ones to shame!"

Random Steamroller Face Girl opened up Microsoft Word. She cracked her knuckles and her set her fingers on her keyboard.

"I don't have any ideas for a new crack pairing!" she screamed. "UGH! Why is this so difficult?"

She slammed her computer shut in anger. She put her head to lap to cry like a little baby.

"I wish there was some cool interesting product that could make creating a new crack pairing more interesting," she said as she sobbed. "If only there was a cool new product that could make that possible!"

Random Steamroller Face Girl's basement began filling with bubbles. 'Cause bubbles are freaking awesome no questions asked. The lights of her room flicked and her stereo turned on to play "Eye Of The Tiger" on full blast.

"What is going on?"

A deep chuckle filled her room and the stereo is turned off. "Random Steamroller Face Girl! I am your fairy genie in a bottle man!"

She looked around her room to find the source of the random laughing, but didn't find anything. It was almost like she was going mad.

Well, madder. She was already pretty mad to be a fan of some of those crack pairings.

"Where is this voice coming from?" she asked her empty room. "Am I going insane or something?"

The deep random voice laughed again. "No, you're just coming in connect with your inner potential buyer!"

"Inner potential buyer?" Random Steamroller Face Girl asked. "What does that mean?"

"Exactly what it sounds like girlie! I'm about to explain to you a revolutionary new product that will change the way you think/write about fanfiction!"

She sniffed and wiped her noise. "What?"

"Don't you want to here about this revolutionary new product?"

"Uh… sure I guess."

"Awesome!"

The song "Eye Of The Tiger" is played again at full blast on her stereo to add effect to what the random voice is about to say.

"Are you super lame and bad at coming up with new fanfiction crack pairings?" the random voice asked. "Well, are you super lame?"

Random Steamroller Face Girl was silent and didn't say anything.

"Uh, girlie? This is the part were you say, 'Why yes beautiful sounding voice, I am super lame and don't know how to come up with new fanfiction pairings that are total crack!' Come on Random Steamroller Face Girl, say your stupid line."

She blinked and looks around the room. "Uh…"

The song "Eye Of The Tiger" is stopped from playing on the stereo.

"Meh. Whatever, you're useless girlie. And horrible at being part of this commercial," the voice claimed. "Just ask stupid questions and this TV commercial will be less painful for you."

"Oh, okay. What is this new product Mr. Random Voice?" A set of random large dice smacked her in the face. "Hey!"

The voice laughed. "That dice that just hit you in the face is the product! Its big enough to write on any face on it with a marker. All you do is write down as many character names from whatever fandom you love on the sides, and chuck them at the ground! You can even sing, 'I threw it on the ground' when you do it. Isn't that great?"

"Uh… sure." A sharpie flew out of nowhere and smacked her in the face. "Dude, WTF!"

"Use this Sharpie to write down as many characters as you can think."

She uncapped the Sharpie and picked up one of the dice. "I'm not sure what to write on this?"

"Name a fandom!"

"Harry Potter."

"Good, now write as many Harry Potter characters on there as you can think of," the deep voice instructed. "You can also think of another fandom and add those characters to the mix. It'll be super fun and crackful!"

Random Steamroller Face Girl began writing all over the dice. "I'm even adding characters from my favorite TV show!"

"What's your favorite TV show?"

"Glee!"

The voice made a loud huff noise. "You actually like that show? That show has been going downhill every season." The voice groaned. "UGH! Never mind it's not that important. All I need you to do is ask stupid questions as I adverse this stupid product!"

"Oh… sorry."

"Just finish filling out those stupid dice."

She finished writing names on the dice. "So, now that I finished writing the names down, what do I do?"

"You roll them, stupid."

"Hey, you don't have to insult me! I'm just asking stupid questions like you wanted."

"Just roll them."

Random Steamroller Face Girl rolled the dice. One dice rolled to Draco Malfoy and the other one rolled to Blaine Anderson.

"I got-"

The voice cut her off. "Blaine and Draco! Roll again! Malfoy has no business with being part of the Glee club."

She squealed. "I'm not going to roll again! This pairing is perfect for a new insane pairing!"

* * *

Infomercial Guy looks over Carmie's shoulder as she types. "Wow! I like this bad boy."

She stops typing for a moment. "Thanks. Do you think the random scenario is going on too long? This part really isn't the meat of the story, and I feel like I'm wasting lot space with it."

"No you're not wasting any space. Its beautiful."

"You're way to easy to impress," Carmie spits. "What about the stupid question asker's name? I think Random Steamroller Girl Face sounds a little too silly to be an actual name."

He nods. "I like it because its really funny sounding, but it is a bit of a mouthful. Maybe you should have the random voice guy give her a nickname."

"Like what?"

"RSGF could work or Rhonda," he answers. "Or anything else that you can actually spell with your dyslexia."

"Dude, don't make a stab at my dyslexia."

"Just go back to typing," Infomercial Voice Guy says. "Oh, and give Random Steamroller Girl Face a nickname."

"Yes, sir." She stretches her fingers and begins typing again to finish the story.

* * *

The voice groaned. "Fine, write whatever crack pairing you want."

Random Steamroller Face Girl, or RSFG 'cause that's seriously less of a mouthful, grinned. "I will! Blaine and Draco together are going to make the best story ever!"

She reopened her laptop and typed like her fingers were little people running for their lives in a zombie apocalypse. An hour later she was done with her story.

RSFG read over her story pleased. "This is probably the best thing I've ever written. Everybody is going to love how saucy it gets in that hot tub."

If the voice had visible eyes then he would have rolled them for everybody to see. "Just edit that piece of crud, and then post it."

Two or so hours later she had her story edited as good as her level of education could manage.

"I'm going to post it!" RSFG squealed. "I'm going to title this story 'Saucy Tub!' and make the summary 'HOT HOT HOT HAWT! Things get HAWT! One-shot Malfoy/Blaine. R/R.'"

"As you can tell Character Pairing Dice has clearly cured this idiot's writer's block," the voice explained. "She didn't even have to buy a Writer's BlockBreaker 'cause Character Pairing Dice are just so dang powerful!"

* * *

"Are you going to write the side effects now?" Infomercial Voice Guy asks as he reads over Carmie's shoulder. "'Cause I just love it when you write the side effects!"

"Sure. What kind of side effects do you want?"

"Anything you want to write will be fine."

"Okie Dokie." She puts her fingers back on her keyboard and starts typing again.

* * *

"I'm going to leave Random Steamroller Face Girl for now," the voice continued talking. "Don't worry y'all, she also has a subscription to 'Just a Product That Gets You Reviews' so her story is going to get tons of reviews written by pelicans."

The scene changed and the viewer is able to see the person behind the voice that was annoying RSFG. He's physical description is too random and pointless to be explained in this story. He was sitting behind a table with a name card that says "Salesman Man".

"Hello, people of the big blue marble we call Earth!" said Salesman Man. "No, I am not saying hi to anybody outside of earth, because I refuse to believe that other planets can support life!"

He got up from his desk and began walking around his studio.

"My name is Salesman Man! And it is my job to sell you that product that we just saw demonstrated with RSFG," he said. "Why am I going to sell this product to you? Well, good sir, selling stuff is in my blood. I am related to Billy Mays, Flo, the Orbit lady, and the Kool-aid guy. So, naturally selling stuff is easy for me and family reunions are super awkward."

He placed his hands on his jolly stomach and laughed.

"Today, I'm here to explain to you a fantastic new product! What is this new product you ask, my good hula dancer? Well, it's the Character Pairing Dice that we just witnessed with the lovely Random Steamroller Face Girl. And seriously, that was a stupid question. I clearly just told you what I was going to talk about before you asked the question."

He removed his hands from his stomach, placed his hand in his pocket, and pulled out one character pairing dice. He held it in front of the camera and grinned like a cat.

"This my good human bulldozer, is a character pairing dice! What you do is write as many character names as you can think of on it, and roll it like a boss!" he explained. "Then you buy a separate dice, because each dice is sold separately and do the exact same thing. The two names you get make a fabulous new pairing that people can love or support depending on how twisted or open minded they are."

He set the dice down on his studio table, and took out a Sharpie. He uncapped the Sharpie and began writing.

"Sadly, the Sharpie isn't included. But, why should it be? You peeps are writers so you should have like pens and paper lying all over your house. Wait…. What's that my good honey badger? You claim that you only write on your computer because you want to save the environment by using less paper? Well, what does that have to do with pens?"

He rolled his eyes and walked to the middle of his studio stage. He put his hand in his other pocket, and pulled out his phone.

"If your too much of a hippie to have pens and paper at your house, then you can be happy too know that Character Pairing Dice can also be bought as an App. However, the App isn't as cool as the actual dice because you can't throw it like a boss. You can tap your phone like a boss to roll, but that's not nearly as cool as throwing dice to the ground."

He punched some buttons into his phone and opened up his copy of the App.

"TADA! This is what the stupid App looks like. Admire it, my dear little hungry hungry hippo!"

He closed the App and put his phone back in his pocket.

"Now doesn't Character Pairing Dice sound just amazing? Almost just too amazing to be true?" he asked. "Well, if it sounds just too amazing to be true, then you're just too easy to impress. I haven't even told you how you pay for it!"

He pulled a random curtain open. Behind the curtain was a giant contract.

"All you do to pay for this fabulous product is sign your name on the dotted line! Yes, this product isn't going to cost you anything like the other ones have. You're not going to pay for this product with seven easy payments or something else stupid. All you do is sign your name on the dotted line! And it will be fine!"

A beautiful female worker walked onto the stage and gave Salesman Man a giant ink pen. The ink pen had a label on it that said "Buy All Our Other Products! And Pig Feet Shouldn't Be Eaten!". He uncapped the pen and put it over the contract.

"Thank you Ms. Hello Nurse."

The beautiful female worker nodded and then walked off the stage.

"Now my good duckling, are you asking why you should sign a contract? Are you wondering if this is a horrible idea? Well, I assure you my good little mayor of Houston, that this is going to be the best paper you will ever sign."

He signed his name on the contract, and Ms. Hello Nurse walked back onto the stage to give him his new Character Pairing Dice. After handing him the dice she walked back off the stage.

"Do ya see how fast I just got that one dice?" he asked the audience. "Yes my good puppet, it was that fast. We didn't speed up this footage or nothing 'cause this is a live infomercial. I just got my one dice this fast and all I did sign this giant contract! I didn't even read it 'cause it's like the terms and services when you want free Wi-Fi. As far as I know I just surrendered my first born, and freely volunteered to be a human pen cushion for the sake of science!"

He laughed and opened another curtain to reveal another giant contract.

"Now I'm going to sign this second contract. 'Cause each dice is sold separately like bikini tops and bottoms. Each contract has different conditions, but there's still no reason to read them. Think of it like hotel free Wi-Fi has similar but slightly different conditions than restaurant free Wi-Fi. Since nobody reads that mumbo-jumbo then there's no reason to read these contracts."

He signed the second giant contract and Ms. Hello Nurse came back on the stage to give Salesman Man another Character Pairing Dice.

"As you can tell my good tiger, getting your second dice is just as fast as getting your first dice. You can sign as many contracts as you want, and get as many dice as your little greedy heart desires. And the same person will even deliver it! What's that? You think you might not like the first person that delivered your first dice, my good micronation?"

He laughed and threw one of his dice in the air and caught it.

"Don't worry my good, seagull! If you don't like the person that delivered your dice then you can fire them. No, I don't mean fire them from work. I mean set them on fire! Like a boss! But, you're probably not going to do that. All our delivery people are as beautiful as Ms. Hello Nurse. Even our gentlemen workers."

Salesman Man chuckled and set his Character Pairing Dice down on his studio table. He walked back to his desk he was originally sitting at and sat back down.

"Since we already showed ya a satisfied customer that you could relate to, we're not going to show you any more satisfied customers. If you didn't relate to Random Steamroller Girl Face, then you're just weird. Also we're running out of time, so it would be really pointless for us to show you satisfied customers when you're already set on signing a contract for this product."

He put his feet up on his desk and laid back.

"Now before I leave you completely, my good Irken Invader, Bob Saget wants to talk to you really quick in a fast voice about any side effects you may encounter. Take it away Bob."

Bob Saget laughed and stepped onto the studio stage. "Thank you, Salesman Man."

Salesman Man snorted. "Meh whatever. Just say all the legal crud."

"With pleasure. Character Pairing Dice is not sold in multiple colors, because the workers of this company were tired of dealing with the issues their other products have given them. When people have too many color choices they just get greedy, and this company figured the best way to get rid of this greed was to eliminate choosing what color you wanted-"

Salesman Man rolled his eyes and cut Bob Saget off. "Just get to the side effects part. And talk really fast that way people don't understand what you're saying."

"Unfortunately, this product comes with several unfavorable side effects. And I am not talking about the good side effects such as an increased fan base for your writing. The side effects you will encounter from Character Pairing Dice are anything you might have agreed to when you signed one of the contracts. These include, giving us your first born, becoming a human pen cushion of the sake of science, and having excitement that last over three days. Do I need to explain what 'excitement' means? Whatever, you're probably not even listening to this 'cause I'm talking so fast and I'm Bob Saget! Other side effects include agreeing to be an ugly person's date at a high school homecoming dance, and being part of the human centipede. Yes, that one was stolen from South Park. Also some clients how have signed for Character Pairing Dice have accidently agreed to let their house be a supply warehouse for surpluses of cat urine. Yeah, you probably should have just read the stupid contract for Character Pairing Dice, and got a lawyer to get it your way. Like Burger King! But hey, let's face it you're probably not even listening to any of this because I'm talking too fast. I'm not even sure why they hired me for this job they probably just did because the writer of this story things Bob Saget is great on his role of playing Ted's future voice on the show 'How I Met Your Mother'. Is anybody actually reading this? No? Well, I guess I should go back to listening side effects. People have also accidently signed away the right for their eardrums to enjoy actually good music. Yes, although unlikely, some people have agreed to just listen to 'Friday' for the rest of their life. Anyway, this paragraph is getting really long, so Bob Saget out! Peace!" Bob Saget said explaining the side effects.

"Thank you, Mr. Saget," thanked Salesman Man. "Please leave my studio now."

Bob Saget left the studio and Salesman Man grinned like a cat again.

"So, people what are you waiting for? Go sign a contract that you don't need to read and get your Character Pairing Dice today! If you sign two or more contracts within the next ten minutes your get a thin foil ball. And if your lucky that thin foil ball might even have tuna in it! Your cat will love the thin foil ball with tuna in it!"

* * *

Carmie took her hands off her keyboard and smiles. "I think that's the commercial you're wanting, Infomercial Voice Guy."

"It is. I like how you brought in Bob Saget to list the side effects. I also like how big the side effects paragraph is. Do your editing, and I'll read it out loud."

"And then you'll go back to being a voice in my head! Yay!" she cheers. "Wow, I'm really going to the happy farm if I think that's a good idea."

"Just do your editing."

Carmie rereads her story several times, and corrects as many mistakes as she can fine. At the bottom of her story she writes in her author note "If y'all notice any grammar mistakes then please let me know, so I'll be able to fix them", to ensure that her fanfic gets treated with respect or something.

"Finished editing," she says when she's completely done. "Read it out loud."

Infomercial Voice Guy clears his throat and reads Carmie's fanfic from the beginning all the way to the end. When he is done he is sucked back into Carmie's head like a whirlwind out of control.

"NOBODY TOLD ME THAT THIS WAS GOING TO BE PAINFUL!" she screams as Infomercial Voice Guy goes back to being a voice in her head. "AHHHHH!"

Several brutal hours later Infomercial Voice Guy is no longer a human. He is now just another one of the voices in Carmie's head again.

"I'm glad that's over," Carmie mumbles rubbing her head. "That really hurt."

She has a terrible headache and is really craving some Louisiana style gumbo. She calls her friend and demands that she makes her some gumbo. She leaves out the part about her craving coming from a voice being sucked back into her head.

If she tells that to her friend that, then her friend would have her sent to the happy farm. Carmie knows that she'll probably end up in one of those eventually, but for now she's just going to enjoy all the fun reviews she gets from the stories the random voices in her head demand she writes.

* * *

**A/N**

**No this is not based off a true story. But I do have voices in my head. And one of them is Infomercial Voice Guy. **

**If you notice a grammar mistake then please let me know. The sooner I fix it the better. **

**Also feel free to review without mentioning my horrible dyslexic grammar. I'm thinking of making more crazy products, and I would love your input on that. **


End file.
